Fear No More


I used to be really good at running from fear. From picking up and moving, starting a new job, heck (true story), I even changed my name at one point and went by my middle name!

My going to Australia, while one of the best decisions of my life, was brought on by fear of failing in my Masters of Social Work. I didn’t believe I “deserved” to be there. That I somehow was a fraud. I truly believed in my heart that I couldn’t succeed. So, when the opportunity came up to travel, I didn’t think twice…. Even with a full year of tuition already paid for!

The problem is, if you run from your fears they will follow you. You will never get stronger, tougher or grow. And you give yourself a false illusion that you have control over the future. By running you prove yourself right, you couldn’t do it.

I didn’t learn this until I had literally no choice but to face my fears. I left a position as an Equine Assisted Therapy coach in a Neuroplasticity program on really bad terms. My mental health was declining, due to the work environment, and I just could not watch what was going on anymore. When I resigned my boss turned on us and we were kicked out of the house we lived in, illegally might I add, and had nowhere to go (We lived on property). I will leave it at that because I truly want to leave that experience in the past.

After I left I was audited by Canada Revenue Agency and was found to have been an employee, NOT a sub contractor. This meant that I owed back taxes on TWO YEARS of employment, and every penny of it since none of my claims against taxes were now applicable.

To keep a very long story short this led to two years of my old boss battling the decision with CRA, and dragging me along for the ride. I DID think about how I could run from this problem. “What if CRA changes their mind, I face penalties for this…. And more back payments…”. But the greatest gift that woman ever gave me was putting me through this experience because man did I grow.

I had no choice but to stand tall, tell my story and face each fear, each audit, each question head on. I had no choice but to be strong. And, in the beginning I wasn’t. It nearly broke me. But with each appeal, and with the letter that came stating she was taking me and the government to the Tax Court of Canada, I grew stronger. And I realized I WOULD SURVIVE by facing this head on.

A couple days before we were due in tax court I was lying in bed and pulled my journal out from my night stand. Nervous, but happy to get this over with after 2 years of appeals, I wrote “Good always wins. The Truth is always revealed”. I tucked my journal back into my night stand and went to sleep. The next day I received notice that she withdrew and the nightmare was over.

I grew SO MUCH from the experience and I realized that if you run straight at your fears they get the hell out of your way. By facing down your fears you grow as a person. You get stronger. You gain more confidence in you and your capabilities (Which, are endless by the way).

By facing your fears they seem so silly and insignificant. You will one day ask “How did I ever wonder how I would get through that?”. You will amaze yourself at how much you will grow.

Fears and obstacles are to be taken head on. Stop running. It doesn’t fix anything.

Have an amazing, blessed, Friday friends.

xo

Ashley

My Mission- Holistic Healing for Anxiety

As someone that has, previously, suffered from chronic anxiety and depression my mission is to help adult women overcome chronic worry, stress and anxiety holistically.

In the depths of my depression and anxiety I still had a dream. A vision for a better life. I would lie on the couch complaining that I didn’t have that vision. Depressed due to things I had, or had not, done in the past. Decisions I labeled bad or good. “How could I have been SO stupid to move for that job…”, “Why did I not take that opportunity when it came up… That would have been ME living that life!”, the thoughts pulled me down like an anchor. And I was anxious about the future. Oh, was I anxious. Anxious to the point I pulled at my hair, my hair fell out and I broke out into full blown adult acne. I also won a night at a sleep clinic due to full blown insomnia. I couldn’t sleep to save my life. I was exhausted.

I was medicated on and off for anxiety. I tried therapy, and while I am a huge advocate for seeking the assistance of a therapist and using medication to support recovery, there was still something missing.

No matter how many medications I used my mindset didn’t change. I was still emotional eating Harvey’s deep fried pickles and eating a full bag of chips a night, often to the point where my heart hurt from the binge eating. I KNEW I should workout. I KNEW I should eat better. I KNEW the choice was mine.

Hell, I WAS a counsellor! I knew the ways to improve my mindset, the holistic approaches I could take, but is it ever hard to get off the couch and get started. It feels like you are stuck in quick sand, and it is exhausting just trying to pull yourself out.

One night, locked in the bathroom by myself, crying on the cold floor I decided enough was enough. You see, to change our lives we need either inspiration or desperation. I was desperate. I knew the path I was going down and it wasn’t good. I committed to changing my life… But tomorrow. How often do we say tomorrow?

The universe heard my call and responded, as she always does. I was mindlessly scrolling Instagram and I saw a post about an online coaching opportunity. It was the kick in the pants I needed to get my life on track, and did I ever. I took it for the sign it was and jumped all in. My financial reality changed, I am building a life I am proud of, my vision board is consistently having big ticket items crossed off and, the most important, I LOVE my life! I incorporate self development into my everyday reality and between that, the endless possibilities this opportunity presented AND the amazing tribe of women I have met I am but a shadow of my previous self, and that is something to celebrate.

Is this to say I never have bad days? Of course not. Anxiety and depression will lurk in the shadows, waiting for a chance to try and pull me back down. The difference is now it is but a fleeting feeling. A tug I feel that I promptly kick in the face. Through taking a holistic approach to healing I am off my anxiety medication and living my best life.

I am such a firm believer in a holistic, whole person approach, to dealing with anxiety. The research is endless on the benefits, and here is some research to help you understand how essential it is for you to start an exercise program to help overcome your anxiety:

The problem? It can be SO hard to get started. That is why I am so passionate about coaching people through this time in their life. Had I not found my tribe, and found this coaching opportunity, I would still be wasting my life away medicated on my couch complaining about how things never go right for me.

My mission, boiled down, is to help women reach their true potential. And living in the suck. Living in the poor habits that have created anxiety for us. That have created depression. That is not a way to step into our greatness. What got you there, won’t get you here. You have to do things you have never done to achieve greatness you have never achieved.

I want every woman to wake up in the morning and think “How effing great am I?”, “Man, I am a damn Rockstar!” and hit the ground running chasing their dreams and goals. No obstacles is too great. No setback too large. You are on a mission to a greater life and I want to guide you there.

I am so proud to offer the programs I currently use to help you in your journey. I know they will transform your life, and I can’t wait to bring you the SOS Method: Holistic Healing to Chronic Stress and Worry, in the coming months.

For now, know I am here when you are ready to start. I am here when you are ready to step into your greatness. I am here when you hit either inspiration or desperation. I am simply here. Let’s do this, together.

xo,

Ashley