Pity Party or Pool Party

As I sit here amongst a herd of babies, one of which being my own, I have realized something:

Everything in life is a choice brought on by our thoughts which developed our perception of reality.

Sometimes life goes sideways, and you wonder how you got to where you are or how you could ever stand back up. I have been there many times for varying reasons both in and out of the horse world.

I remember vividly the day I was told my 8 year old eventer had osteoarthritis in his spine and would be a pasture puff.

My heart hit the ground as all the dreams and visions that had played on repeat in my head, for 4 years, went up in flames before my eyes.

I also had to scrape myself up off the floor months later when I hit rock bottom thinking that not only was my horse retired. My heart horse. The one every single dream was attached to. But I hated my job. Not just the usual “would rather be on vaca than here”. It was destroying my soul. I barely pulled it together to last 7.5 hours, even on days I was medicated for the depression it caused.

Nothing seemed to be going right.

But, what we must remember, is that amongst all the crap you can still choose your attitude, intentions and focus.

When I finally looked myself in the mirror and said “sister, you need to wash the running mascara off and get your crap together” everything changed. Not the situations I was in. They still sucked. But my mindset shifted and it allowed me to focus on the gratitude, the amazing things I DID have going for me, and focus on building the life of my dreams.

I focused on the positive.

You can have the best plan. The best coaches. The best team but if you don’t have the right attitude you are dead in the water.

On days where I think about joining the circus, flying off to Australia or drinking a whole box of wine forcing myself to have a positive attitude is what saves me.

Choosing to find the positive is how I stay happy. And choosing to find the positive is how you will stay happy.

Not just ok. Not just getting by.

Truly happy.

Now, I am not happy 95% of the time because my life is unfolding in a way that makes it easy.

Heck sister, I am STILL at the job I talked about above but now I choose to see the company as funding the business I am building in coaching. So not only is it funding my dream but it is helping me ignite the dreams of others.

Pretty badass, if you ask me. And, a much more productive attitude to choose.

How do I do it?

In both my fitness and mindset coaching I am blunt and honest so here it is:

It is hard work.

I choose the positive in life. Every single day.

I choose to practice gratitude. I choose to surround myself with people that practice positivity and with things that bring me joy.

I surround myself with people that are also badass go getters that want more from life. That don’t allow me to wallow or feel sorry for myself.

And here is some important truth:

I regulate my thoughts because thoughts control feelings.

Feelings become behaviours.

Behaviours become actions.

And just like that your whole world is clouded by the fog of that one crappy thought.

Yes. It is that simple for one crappy thought of:

I am a failure.

I will never be good enough.

I am ugly.

To derail your whole darn life.

Are you actively regulating your thoughts?

Are you even aware of the thoughts that have become a soundtrack playing in your head?

Are you working to control the way you think of yourself and speak to yourself?

You have to choose to be positive. To see possibility. And no one can do it for you.

There is not one thing running through your mind that you don’t allow to be there.

That you ALLOW to be there.

Everytime you find yourself thinking something negative stop the hateful litany and replace it with something positive.

Like any muscle the positivity and gratitude muscle will become stronger with time. It is true.

Whether you are in a season of ease or hardship you need to realize YOU are still the one that controls how you see it. YOU. Which means only you can change it.

This is real life. Not a fairy tale.

Do not think for one moment it will be easy all the time no matter who you are,what you have or where you live.

Real life sucks sometimes.

And you will have whole seasons that will try to rob you of the energy you need to pursue your goal. Yes, it will happen so be prepared.

But you still have hopes and dreams and they are possible if you keep going.

Some days you will be sprinting towards them with the energy and grace of a gazelle, despite lack of sleep because of kids or a horse show.

Other days you will be crawling and inching your way, wondering if the pace you are going at is making any difference at all.

But you need to keep moving forward. You have to keep yourself in the game. As long as you don’t quit you are STILL IN THE GAME.

You can’t control the circumstances of your life but you can control your reaction TO them.

And, if tough times are going to happen anyway is it not much more productive to see the positive and keep moving forward rather than drowning in self pity, posting vague pity me Facebook updates and starting over once your motivation returns?

When put like that is it not obvious it is a choice!

If you take nothing else from this whole post please remember:

Your thoughts become behaviours. Your behaviours become actions. Your actions shape your reality.

Xo

Ashley.

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